Final Exam
Wed Oct 31, 2033 J.F.K. Spaceport Although human travel into space is still in its earliest stages, the JFK Spaceport, situated close to the UN headquarters, attracts many ships, primarily from the Autobots, but there are some Terran ships as well, and even a few totally unfamiliar alien visitors. It's still busy here, as the spaceport services diplomatic and trade vessels, and the occasional luxury shuttle. Contents: Sideswipe Amber MacKenzie Jump Tank Terran Standard Troops #5865 Autobot Sensor #6576 Obvious exits: Launch leads to Earth Orbit. West leads to United Nations Plaza. Fly The UN has set up a Sapience Testing Center for visiting alien dignitaries, and presumably it's located by the Spaceport for convenience and also in case something goes horribly wrong with the test and the dignitary wants to leave--immediately. Anyway, it's a fairly nondescript facility, a bland concrete structure recently built into the space port, and one might get the impression that it was designed to be bland so as to avoid offending the unpredictable sensibilities of any particular alien species. Of course, some aliens might be offended that it's so bland, but what can you do? Anyway, the facility is open today, and its huge doors, designed to accomodate a wide range of species of various sizes, are ready to swing open for business. Amber MacKenzie tends to keep out of sight, since who knows when Franklin Cross may take it into his head to arrest her. The man's paranoid. Fortunately, there are others present, and she's very good at blending in. For now, she is just observing. It'd do no good to broadcast a vicious editorial demonstrating her contempt for the arrogance of the U.N. in presuming to dictate who is and is not sapient based on homo sapiens' test criteria. Sideswipe had been sent to Cybertron on a mission and needed to come back through the JFK Spaceport to pick up a couple of items before heading towards Autobot City. Stepping off the shuttle, he stretches then looked around. He needed to go to the pickup counter to get the packages waiting for him, and that took him right past the testing facility. He ignored it since it wasn't his destination. Apocryphacius is worried about this test for a number of reasons. For one thing, he has the worry about an Autobot hit squad taking him out before the test can even be administered. The Autobots /have/ to be suspicious about the lack of EDC response over Apocryphacius's... accident. Unless it wasn't the Autobots. What if it was the Decepticons pretending to be Autobots, like Fakeswipe with General Cross? But if it was the Autobots, it would make sense for them to take him out /before/ he has rights as a sapient being on Earth. On the con, the Autobots don't necessarily follow or respect Earth law, anyway, so they might not care. Apocryphacius also has to worry about failing, despite what General Cross said. It would be politically convenient for the Quintessons as a while to be declared unintelligent beings, especially considering General Cross's intentions with a doublecross. As another point, if anyone actually still cares about Autobot appeasement, declaring the Quintessons unintelligent would allow Autobots on Earth to treat Quintessons as animals, he supposes, which Apocryphacius is /certain/ some Autobots would get behind. After all, they call him 'pet' often enough. So he brought his Sharkticon escorts with him, and maybe they will also take the test if they feel like it. Apocryphacius still has no idea what's up with them. Also present at the scene is a truck. A spaceport guard and the driver of the truck are standing near the trailer's hatch, as the driver's about to open it. "So," the guard says, "Apparently this shipment was sent to us from the Decepticons. The *Decepticons.* And I'm supposed to open it near the spaceport, when I don't even know what's inside. I mean, is there a bomb in there? Is it going to kill everyone at the spaceport?" The driver shrugs. "Hell if I know!" The guard sighs, and soon a bomb squad's brought in to check it out. They have some dogs sniff it, and they don't react to it at all. Then the squad decides to open the trailer, not from the back hatch, but by laboriously cutting open a hole in the roof of the truck to gain access that way. This done, they peer inside. "You gotta be kidding me," a bomb squad guy says. "There's... birds and monkeys inside this thing." There's a cacophony of animal noises from inside the trailer, and the bomb squad guys just shake their heads and wrap things up. "Trailer's harmless. Well, unless you get your fingers too close to those chimp cages, maybe." They saunter off. Oh, look! Someone just joined Apocryphacius, and it's General Cross, just now pulling up in an armored car. He steps out, joined by two armored EDC troops and an odd woman with a Blue Jays cap. "Apocryphacius! I heard you were taking the test today. Well, I just swung by to wish you luck." Amber MacKenzie rolls her eyes as the General himself appears. No doubt to make sure that the test results are exactly what he wants them to be. She slowly moves among her fellow observers, watching, listening, trying to get a feel for their opinions. This isn't her usual purview, but she knows how it's supposed to work. She asks a question here and there, smiles cheerfully at a young man's attempt to flirt with her, and moves on to the next cluster of curious people. Apocryphacius is noted with a flicker of disappointment before her face resumes its normal pleasant expression. Geo has arrived. Apocryphacius, every now and then, takes a hard, long look at himself in the mirror, and he wonders if he's actually a supervillain and he just missed the memo. When he looks from the Sharkticons milling around him to General Cross wishing him well while Agent Blue Jays is in the general vicinity, this is what goes through his active thought processes. His faces rock a bit side to side as he dismisses the thought. No, that's silly nonsense. Apocryphacius is just caught in a bad situation, and he is trying to make the best of it! He salutes as best he can and greets pleasantly, "Oh, sir! Thank you so very much. I do so appreciate your support." Amber's visible disappointment is... well... it hurts, he finds. It hurt more than he thought it would, given how it was a rather likely event. Also, what is with that cacophony? Apocryphacius looks around nervously. Sideswipe moves to get his packages but stops short at the sound of something .... familiar. He looks around and sees Sharkticons? What the...then his eyes narrow at seeing the Quint. His denture plates grind a little quietly together. He's already on Scattershots 'list' or he'd take a little 'detour' but he just needs to get his packages and go or he was gonna regret hanging around any longer than he had to. Then he saw Cross move up to the Quint and his energon boiled. His servos creaked as he clenched them tightly. He needed to get out of here quick before he just shot the little fleshy in front of everyone. Approaching from the vertical axis is a shuttle, small by Transformer standards, made of purplish-blue metal; emblazoned on one wing is a Decepticon sigil, though there are no obvious weapons on the craft. <> comes a female voice over the comm. < requesting landing clearance.>> Within the shuttle, five Transformers are settled, awaiting the response. Jump Tank returns the salute and looks about to say more, then he gets a transmission on his earpiece. "One moment, Private..." Cross says, putting two fingers to his earpiece. Finally, he says, quietly. "Grant them access, but don't let anyone who disembarks out of your sight for an instant." Then he lowers his fingers, shaking his head. "Those damn Decepticons. After the show they put on at the UN, NOW they decide to take the test anyway? Pisses me off. Well, I hope they try something. We got assets in the air ready to deal with them if they do." Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Amber, Blue Jays' sunglasses have, via Augmented Reality, already highlighted her as a threat, and her description reads, "Known terrorist. Highly dangerous. Termination not advised due to political reasons." Elsewhere, a man in a New York Mets cap approaches Sideswipe, saying, "Hey, aren't you an Autobot? They've got this sapience test set up for you guys. If you take it, you could get your species declared sapient and resolve this whole controversy right now. How about it" <> comes the response from the spaceport. After that, a man in the control tower sets down his headset and stares blankly at his screen for a moment. "Did I just grant a ship called 'Terror' permission to land?" he says. He drinks his coffee. Surprise, surprise. Amber spies one of the infamous Baseball Cap Dudes with Cross. Or dudette... the very same lady who's spotted her! At least Cross isn't a sexist. She keeps an eye out for any others in "uniform", like the Men in Black. That doesn't mean that there isn't a squadron there in normal fatigues, though. Whatever. She keeps an eye out for a military presence. That truck filled with animals doesn't qualify, though she has to snicker at the meaning behind it. Hey, if it were whales and dolphins, she might support their testing. Uh oh, here come the Decepticons. As she's not monitoring the air traffic channels, the request and introduction are missed, but she can easily guess at why they've come. Whoever it is won't get a fair shot, she knows, and she's tempted to volunteer to participate and switch her results with the Decepticon's, but not enough to actually go through with it. Her perspective is more practical; she opposes this so fervently because if it passes, it will pull down the Autobots as well. Most of the Decepticons, with few exceptions, can burn in hell, but she still opposes torturing them on principle. Killing them is fine. Sideswipe was just about to the pick up desk when he's spoken to. He looks down at the human in the New York Mets hand and blinks his optics, "Huh?" He looks around and then back to the human, "Uhm...what?" He seems a bit confused by this, since well, he obviously doesn't keep up perhaps with current events so much, especially since he was on Cybertron recently. "What...kind of test is this?" <> comes the smooth voice from Geo, as she turns to her crew. "Engage landing procedures. Highbeam, Bolt, Headbreaker... you will remain in place on the ship. We do not want anyone to enter the ship and perhaps plant explosives or otherwise incriminating objects," Geo states, as the ship turns and ignites landing thrusters; the landing feet extend, and the ship lands with a dull thud. "Hammerhand, you'll wait for me outside the ship." As Hammerhand, a 'con in the vague shape of a Hummer, stands and nods, Geo turns and taps a few buttons, and the landing ramp opens. And off walks the pink femme, with Hammerhand standing at the entryway as Geo descends, hands raised in the air as she moves out and waits for an escort. Apocryphacius waits patiently, but his faces do shift around. He is just too stressed to maintain a pleasant face at the moment. A pair of his tentacles somewhat steeple in thought, and when one of the Sharkticons looks ready to go haring off after the source of the noise, he takes a moment to distract it with an energon goody. He /hopes/ he has enough to get them behave for however long this takes. Maybe bringing them along was a bad idea... but life has been nothing but a continuous string of bad ideas, these days. Apocryphacius transforms into his Apocryphacius mode. Agent Mets smiles pleasantly at Sideswipe. "A sapience test, of course. To see if you're really a living, thinking being, and not just a soulless robot, as General Cross might put it. Because, you know, if you *don't* take the test..." He lowers his sunglasses. His eyes look... odd. "...well, someone might just go ahead and say screw it, you don't have any rights!" As Hammerhand steps out of the shuttle, he'll probably notice someone with an Orioles cap watching him from across the tarmac. And watching. And watching. And watching. Geo, meanwhile is joined by two Spaceport security guards, and one of them says, "This way, ma'am," and begins leading her to the drab Sapience Testing Center. "Well, no point in putting this off forever, Apocryphacius," Cross says, patting the Quintesson. "Let's head inside and get started." Franklin Cross hops out of his jump tank! Smiling serenly, Geo nods to the spaceport security officers and begins to walk along with them. "Of course, officers," she states almost kindly, clasping her hands behind her at the small of her back. "Lead on." Geo transmits over a tacnet to the other Decepticons on location. "Lovely day today, is it not, gentlemen?" she says by way of smalltalk. Apocryphacius says softly, a bit stiltedly, "As you say, sir..." and he heads off to go where he needs to go, Sharkticons in tow. He reviews his strategy: does he try to pretend to be human? That is both easier and harder than it sounds. Apocryphacius does not act like a proper Quintesson due to having been socialised by humans, so he acts a lot more human than most humans would expect an alien to act. On the other hand, he does not act entirely human, because his thought processes simply are inhuman. It's like an emulator trying to run an old console game: there are weird glitches and quirks. One might even call Apocryphacius's best human impression Uncanny Valley. Does he just be himself and hope that is sufficient? It is a dilemma. Apocryphacius stares at Geo. The Decepticons sent a Cassetticon, huh? Is that a calculated insult? Is the Cassetticon considered expendable? Do the Decepticons think this funny? The angles of political maneuvering make a strange math; it rests uneasily in his mind. Amber MacKenzie catches sight of yet another BCD; they're apparently out in force today. Her maneuvering among the watchers eventually brings her into view of Sideswipe, and a brief flash of happiness touches her face. Other than that, she makes no sign of noticing him and... damn, there's still *another* BCD with him. Bloody hell. This is ridiculous. The tests are established by the ones who decided against them to start with. Talk about bias. Not to mention being conducted by those same biased officials. And the results tallied by, yes, those biased people once again. She scowls, fists clenched, at how easily the human race is being taken over by a cross between the Militants and the Protectorate. "Yeah, I guess," one of the guards escorting Geo says. "I just hope it doesn't rain *lasers* today, heh." "Hey, isn't what she said one of the questions on the test?" the other guards says, chuckling to his friend. "Probably," the first guard says, and soon Geo is lead inside the building. Cross, for his part, gives the Decepticon a stern glare. "Nnnh. I don't know what their game is, this time, but we're going to proceed anyway. Come on, Apocryphacius." The inside of the facility is composed of a series of cubicles, some with very high walls, others with low walls. Each cubicle has a human-sized cubicle across from it, where's probably a judge or an evaluator or *someone* in there. Giving a small shrug to the men, she lets her blue optics flow over them, making notes of them -- eye color, hair color, a small mole underneath Guard A's cheekbone, Guard B's wedding band. "I doubt that it would be raining lasers," she states, "though meteorological phenomena of Earth is quite beautiful. Lightning storms, in particular, which look like laser shows." She smiles again, allowing them to lead her inside. Within, she hands over her one armament -- her small pistol, pulled from her hip. "Where would you gentlemen like me?" She lets her optics, then, wander over the facility before the direct her into one of the small cubicles, where she settles into a chair -- if anything, the WAY she moves, and walks? It's very human, and the way she sits is very... demure, is probably the best word, with hands clasped in her lap, legs pulled together at the knees, as if she was wearing a skirt. Sideswipe looks back to the door where the test is to be held and sees the Quint going into it. Then he jerks a little at something and looks a touch left then right. "Yeah, uhm, I guess I can...take the test. It's just not gonna be based on me, is it?" he asks as he turns to move that direction slowly. Apocryphacius makes his way to the appropriate cubicle quietly, but when he reaches it, he turns to the Sharkticons and says, "You may also participate if you like. I have no opinion on the matter," then he's off to go 'sit' down. The guards look at the 30-foot tall booth they had set up for a Decepticon, then look at Geo. "Uh... oh!" She's already inside a booth. "Yeah, that one's... more your size." A guard takes the gun, a bit apprehensively. "Uh, thanks." Meanwhile, all the Sharkticons blunder into the same over-sized cubicle. That ought to be interesting. Once everyone is ensconced in their cubicles, they say a flatscreen monitor in front of them, as well as an assortment of pens, notepape, and random objects arranged in front of the test takers, and apparently a chute for passing objects to the guy who may be evaluating them in the booth across from them. The monitor, apparently being a touchscreen monitor, prompts, "PRESS HERE TO BEGIN." Once that is pressed, the screen displays, "Use a pen and notepad to answer this question: Lovely day, is it not? Once you have answered the question, please send the note down the chute." Geo nods to the man. "Thank you very much," she states as she's directed to the smaller cubicle. "I don't know if I would have been able to work the larger machinery appropriately." Once inside, she settles onto the chair as described, and picks up a pen, idly twirling it between two fingers. She hums softly to herself; anyone listening in, who has knowledge of music, would be able to recognize a piece of classica Bach that she's humming. She touches the button, and listens to the question. "Odd question," she states to herself, but pulls free a leaf of paper and begins to write. Her writing is a flowing cursive script, and she writes: 'The day is very lovely, despite the cloud cover. I do hope that the cloud cover does not increase, for I would hate for the day to become rainy, or a thunderstorm." Once that is done, she folds the paper over and puts it in the chute. Sideswipe moves into the room and blinks at seeing fully now the Con that had come in when his back was turned and the sharkticons and the Quint. Oh this just keeps getting better and better. He frowns and is directed to his own cube, right next to.... oh frag him. He sighs. He listens to the instructions and follows the instructions. He looks at the pen and paper..... Apocryphacius makes a mental note that they are making the assumption that participants can read and write in English, which is not even true all of all humans. However, he is pretty sure that most Decepticons can do that. Maybe Blot can't. In any case, he presses the button and is prompted with the question. Is it a lovely day? Well, Apocryphacius is a stressed nervous wreck, but he supposes that no one really cares about that aside from him, so that is probably irrelevant. What did the news have to say about the weather, anyway? He tries to remember, faces switching around, and then he picks up the pen and paper as he delivers his verdict on the quality of the day: 'The day is acceptable, though there is a high risk of Decepticon activity predicted.' Then he dumps it down the chute. Apocryphacius transforms into his Apocryphacius mode. Sideswipe takes up the pen and paper and writes, "No. I don't like who I'm sitting next to and I have things to do instead of taking this stupid test." Then he puts the paper in the shute. Amber MacKenzie remains outside and unable to observe those being tested. As soon as Sideswipe enters the facility, she falls silent, at least radio-wise. Instead, she idly comments to the people here and there about the controversy of sapience, what their opinions are, and what they have to back up those opinions. Very reporter-like, but also trying to get them to really *think* about the issue and the evidence for and against. What happens to the notes once they're passed down? Who knows! At any rate, everyone hears the Sharkticons' answer to the question. "ME SAY DAY IS BORING!" "ME SAY DAY... HUNGRY!" The next question that pops up is... well, first you see a video. There's a kid grinding his skateboard on the rail of a stairway, and he's doing well until his board slips out from under him and he lands on his crotch. "Auuuugh!" the kid cries, slumping off of the railing. Then the question, "What was your reaction to this video? Please use a felt pen to write your reaction to the video on the wooden cube in front of you and pass it down the chute." There's a button to replay the video, but who knows if that will affect results negatively or positively. Watching the video intently, Geo lets a frown crease her features, but only briefly. The human's sounds and facial features were in the marker of 'pain and agony' in Geo's extensive human-studies database; cross-referencing the area struck with human biological studies, she hrms. Picking up a cube anda felt pen, she leans over and writes, in that cursive again: 'I feel badly for the human who just got injured, and hope that he is alright. That injury can be debilitating -- not to mention embarassing -- to human males.' With that, she drops the cube into the chute. Watching the video makes Sideswipe burst out laughing. He loves how humans do stupid things to themselves. Hell, he's done plenty of stupid things to himself over the millions of years he's been around, and seeing these little fleshlings do stupid things too, just means he can related to them in some ways. He hits the replay button, laughs again and then follows the instructions, having to first figure out what a felt pen is. He picks one of the pens up, pulls the cap off and looks at it. He turns to the Con next to him, "Is this a Felt pen?" REsponding to the call of the Autobot, Geo says, "The felt pen should have a black cap, when you take it off the tip should leave a slightly watery and smudgy type of ink when you write with it." Apocryphacius 's faces spin right back around to Darkness. That video is rather upsetting! He picks up the felt pen and the wooden cube, and he writes out what are the appropriate emergency medical steps to take in such an... emergency, puts the cube down the chute, and sits there, dreading what the Sharkticon reaction to the video is going to be. Oh science, Apocryphacius cannot take them anywhere. Apocryphacius transforms into his Apocryphacius mode. Sideswipe mmmmms, and leans back into his cubicle from the way he had leaned out of it to look at the Con. "Yeah, thanks." he says rather jovially. He picks up the one described and marks on the wooden block. "That video was hilarious. Reminded me of the time Ironhide jumped down on some building materials I was standing over and this beam..." he turns the block over, "...came up and nailed me right between the legs. Bent everything all to the Pit. Couldn't walk right for a few cycles. Nice to know...." he turns the block over again, "...we're not the only species that can get nailed between the legs like that." Then he passes the cube down the chute. More yelling from the Sharkticons: "HAHA! STOOPID HYOOMAN!" There's some arguing from them for a moment. "UH... ME MEAN... ME LOVE... HYOOMAN!" "WE ALL LOVE HYOOMAN!" "LOVE TO EAT HYOOMAN!" More arguing, the occasional clank of metal on metal. "UH.. JUST KIDDING 'BOUT EAT HYOOMAN." "HYOOMAN TOO STRINGY." More arguing. "JUST KIDDING 'BOUT THAT, TOO, WE WOULDN'T KNOW DAT." The next question simply asks, "Do not submit answer until I say 'Simon Says.' Answer this question with a Red Sharpie on the plastic sheet: Calculate the answer to 2+2." Geo hrms, picking up the red sharpie. "Sideswipe, this one should have a red cap and say Sharpie on the side," she calls out, then picks up the plastic sheet. Opening it, she leans forward, settling her elbows on the desk before her. And waits for the 'Simon Says' to come up. Sideswipe looks utterly confused by the instructions, 'Simon Says'. But he takes the plastic sheet and was about to pick up the wrong writing utensil and then changes his mind when Geo calls out to him. "Uhm...thanks...again." He writes down his answer, but is confused still by this Simon Says. "Who's Simon? Did you meet a Simon on the way in? What's he supposed to say?" "It's an Earthling children's game," Geo calls back to Sideswipe, accessing her memory core. "We have to wait until the Sapience Evaluators say 'Simon Says' and usually a command, in this case 'submit your test' before we put this in the chute." . o O (Unless there's a trick here that they're trying to do to us.) Apocryphacius covers his active eyes with a pair of tentacles and groans, which the others may hear. He wonders if people who rehabilitate rescued pit-fighting dogs ever feel like this. Is feeling deeply mortified the appropriate response upon learning that one's Sharkticon escorts may have eaten human flesh? He reads /all/ the instructions, and well, there is no 'Simon says' yet, so he does nothing, aside from ask aloud, "Yes, but in what /base/? Or are we just supposed to assume decimal?" And in response to that, Geo replies, "I would think we'd use base Terran mathematics. They are, after all, a universal nomenclature." Sideswipe grumbles, "I know what 2 and 2 is...But I have to wait for someone to say something for me to put the answer in on this stupid test?" Apocryphacius points out, "Hexadecimal is pretty common, and do not even get me started on the Babylonians..." Geo mumbles to herself, "Though I fail to see how these tests determine 'sapience.' Is it our reactions to human stimuli, such as the 'simon says' play, or the injury and pain of the human youth?" The Sharkticons continue yelling. "WAIT, WHO SIMON!? WE ONLY LISTEN TO QUINTEESONS!" "SIMON QUINTEESON?" "NO, STOOPID! ME SEND ANSWER, THREE!" However, the participants never hear or see the words "Simon Says" to cue them to submit an answer. Instead, the screen skips to the next question, which is, "Disregard the previous question. Using the magnetic board and magnetic letters, describe your last meal, and, in one word, what you felt while consuming it." Sideswipe looks at the screen and blinks his optics, "This is stupid," he growls and takes the magnetic board and then looks at the box of letters. He looks at the instructions then yells out, "HEY! Am I supposed to describe my meal in one word too or can I use as many words as I want for that part?!" No response from the other side. Perhaps Sideswipe's confusion is being evaluated, too? Annoyance flashes across Geo's face briefly, and she sighs softly. "Well, at least this is not a waste of too much time," she states softly to herself, reaching forward. She picks up the magnetic board and letters, and hrms. She spells out. "Energon. Alive." Then drops the board down the chute. She laughs as Sideswipe reacts angrily, giggling in amusement. Apocryphacius raises one tentacle over his current mouth and giggles, because if he was not giggling, he would be... weeping, because the magnet board description of his last meal is this: "intravenous. sick." Sideswipe grumbles at the lack of response and answers, 'Last meal was Energon Snacks on the Shuttle. How did it make me feel? Unsatisfied....like this test.' "OOH, THIS ONE EASY!" a sharkticon yells. "ME EAT HYOO--" There's a scuffle. "NO, NO SAY THAT, STOOPID! WE EAT... UH... WE EAT..." "WE EAT BOARD! *nom nom nom*" "YOU EAT BOARD!? HOW WE ANSWER QUESTION, STOOPID?!" Finally the next question asks, simply enough, "Who is your best friend?" But in this case, who knows? Answering that question could reveal more than the interviewee intended! As for how to answer the question, the monitor says, "Write your answer onto the sticker with a black Sharpie, then affix the sticker to the wooden plaque and send it down the chute." Geo gasps, a very loud, sharp intake of breath that Apoc and Sideswipe all could hear. This was an... unexpected question. She picks the sticker and the sharpie, and begins to write. As she writes, she speaks softly, "My best friend is no longer in this world. The brother I once had, Neo, who has gone on to the Pit..." Her voice sounds sad and longing. When she's done, she sticks the sticker to the plaque and drops the plaque into the chute. Apocryphacius cringes and mutters to himself, "By the Hayflick limit, did one of those Sharkticons seriously /eat someone/? Hng. What do I even /do/ about that? Ask the Quintessons that assigned them to me to put that Sharkticon on trial? Does that even work? I just - !" and he flings his tentacles in the air in frustration. Then he pauses and stares at the board. "...oh millivolts. This is... unprofessional." Apocryphacius looks left and right. Then he picks up the black Sharpie, writes 'General Cross' on the sticker, affixes it on the wooden plaque, and sends it down the chute. Apocryphacius has awful taste in friends. He again wonders if he is a supervillain and just missed the memo. Sideswipe doesn't even hesitate. He picks up the black Sharpie...now he has a name to associate with that kind of marker, picks up the sticker and write, "Sunstreaker" Then he secures the tag to the plaque and sends it down the shute The Sharkticons mutter to each other for a moment. "OUR FRIEND... APOC-RAH-FAYSH-US." "YEAH. HE KEEP SAYING, 'NO EAT THAT'." "NAG! NAG!" "BUT HE NO BEAT US. NOT EVER." "YEAH. HE HAVE STICK UP LEVITATOR BUT HE GOOD." "HE NO CAN HEAR US, RIGHT?" "NAH." Finally, once all answers are submitted, the monitor displays, "Thank you! That concludes the test. You may leave the booth now, and you will be updated on the results of the test as soon as the judges are done evaluating your responses." Sideswipe huffs and stands up, moving away from the booth and looks around the corner at Geo, "I heard you...you said you had a brother. Sorry you lost him." Turning, Geo says, "Thank you, evaluators." And with that, she steps out of the cubicle, looking up at Sideswipe. "I... thank you, Sideswipe. It has been a long time since he has been lost to us. It is still painful to think about sometimes." She extends her diminutive hand towards Sideswipe. "I know who you are, but I don't know if you know me. I am Geo." Sideswipe looks at Geo, gives her a good look over. Then ...does he perhaps blush slightly or his cheek plates heat a little, "You know who I am? Really? Uhm, yeah, I have a brother. Sunstreaker. Were...were you and your brother spark twins or just commissioned by the same creator?" Apocryphacius leaves his booth, clutching the top of his dome like he has a migraine. One's morally ambiguous superior should not be what comes to mind in the best friend department. It is just so wrong on so many levels. But who has defended him when others have picked on him? Who has cared about his well-being when he has been ill? Who has trusted his judgement? Who has never blamed Apocryphacius when Apocryphacius has had bad news to deliver? Who has had nothing but praise and support for Apocryphacius's accomplishments? ...did the Sharkticons really just say that? The Quintessons that lent them to him /beat/ them? Well, okay, that is sad but not shocking, but... does this mean he has a moral duty to try to keep those Sharkticons away from the other Quintessons? Apocryphacius rasps out to himself, "My life. Is a complete mess. How did this even happen." Then he looks at Geo and Sideswipe, and he has to ask, "If your brother killed her brother, would you still be sorry about it? Your factions are at war, after all." Geo chuckles a bit. "You have many records in the war archives, I recognized your face and coloration." She shakes her head. "We were not split-core siblings; we were created, however, as specific counterparts to each other by Soundwave." As Apoc appears and begins to speak, she looks at the Quintesson -- there's a brief glare, which is gone almost instantly -- and she says. "Those are the issues of war. I am not a vengeful individual." EARLIER... Dr. Raymond, a xenopsychologist, notices a manilla envelope on his desk. He squints at it, opens the contents. First thing he finds is a letter instructing him to declare the Decepticons sapient, and if he does, five million dollars will be transferred to his personal banking account. "Take a bribe?" he grunts. "You'll have to offer a better incentive than that!" The second thing he finds is a fuschia tape, which he picks up and peers at quizically. NOW Cross folds his arms as he watches everyone leave their booths. Well, he facepalms when he sees the Sharkticons eat their way out of their own booth before rejoining Apocryphacius. "Wait, us no eat that?" one asks. Cross sighs. "Thank you all... for coming here. Apocryphacius, I'm sure you did very well, even if the test wasn't what you might've expected." Cross is, of course, joined by his protectors. Sideswipe turns to look at Apocryphacius, "Why don't you go back and play with your Master, Cross. And take those bumbling yappy scrapheaps.." he cuts off when Cross comes in. He had wanted to talk further with Geo but his servos clench when he sees Cross and his jaw tightens automatically as if he's keeping himself from saying anything. Nodding politely to Cross, Geo says, "The test was unique, but it will hopefully do the job that is required of it." Fat chance, but... well, with the deck stacked a little bit... "Hopefully the test will not be too difficult for some of the more esoteric alien species that have visisted earth in the past, like the Nebulans or the Musians." She notices Sideswipe's uncomfortableness, and then, to Cross, "General Cross. Taking the test time into account, and assumeably experts in their fields placed, we should have results very soon, yes?" Apocryphacius looks to the Sharkticons, looking rather concerned, and he asks carefully, "Just... how often did your previous... handlers feed you? Are you actually hungry, or are you, ah, worried about being starved as a punishment?" It is a bit of a stretch, but maybe they are just hungry all the time because they are unsure of when their next meal will be? Don't some dogfighters starve their dogs to make them mean? Apocryphacius thinks he heard that one the news. Then his faces shift around at Sideswipe's comment, and he replies hotly, "General Cross is my /superior/, not my /owner/. I am not a 'pet' or 'tentacle trash' or anything you Autobots care to call me!" Apocryphacius transforms into his Apocryphacius mode. Franklin Cross gives Geo a shrug. "Well. I'm sure they'll do just fine, since they're actually *alive* and likely not just trying to answer how they THINK a human would," he replies, displaying his usual diplomatic skill. He's about to lay into Sideswipe, next, but Apocryphacius beats him to it, and the General smiles warmly. "I couldn't have put it better myself, Private." EARLIER Geo (Pocket) in flashback, in cassette form, when played, gives some playback of Dr. Raymond and a hispanic-sounding woman in the middle of 'relations,' with it obviously being him based on his voice, speech patterns and timbre. After a minute or two of this recording, the playback notes, "If the Decepticons are not declared sapient, this will be distributed not only to your family and friends, but also to business constituents and professional organizations. Dr. Raymond stares at the fuschia tape, open-mouthed. NOW "Well," Cross says, "If you... want to stick around, we should have our results back soon." As for the Sharkticons, they give each other sheepish looks. "Sometimes they feed us lots," one pipes up. "Sometimes they say we been bad, but no say why, and put us in room and let us go hungry." Geo glances up to Sideswipe. "Do not let him bait you," she intones softly, but probably loud enough for all assembled to hear. "I would like to wait. After all, I have been nothing but polite and cordial, and have observed the rules and regulations of the spaceport and the tests. I would like to know what the tests return. Would you not, Sideswipe?" Sideswipe looks at Cross, goes to open his mouth to say something biting back at him and then hears Geo's voice. He snaps it shut and growls under his breath. 'I shoulda killed him when I had the chance...' He says quietly to himself under his breath between gritted dentures. "I'll wait..." he says stubbornly, crossing his arms and glaring outright at Cross. Geo smiles disarmingly at Sideswipe then, and nods. She seems to be, at this point, completely ignoring the Quintessor and only barely paying attention to the General. "Shall we continue our conversation over there, then?" she says, making a motion towards an open, empty area so that they can sit down together. "I would like that, if it is amiable to you, Sideswipe?" Apocryphacius after his outburst, looks uncertain and perhaps a bit... lost. He looks away from both Geo and Sideswipe, mumbling to no one in particular, "She is really very brightly coloured, is she not? Almost nnn..." He brings up his tentacles to cover his optics. Apocryphacius raises a different tentacle and says a bit more loudly, "I am, uhm, going to excuse myself for a moment. Check my bandages. Yes. Sharkticons, we will work out an appropriate feeding schedule. Prolonged periods of starvation will only stress your components and lead to early failure. Remind me about that later." Then he tries to find a less-occupied area of the hallway where he can get a bit of space away from all the robots. Apocryphacius stares rather blankly at the wall there. Apocryphacius transforms into his Apocryphacius mode. Franklin Cross glares at Geo. "Right. Playing by the rules until it no longer suits you. I know how this works. Well, we'll see how this goes down after a moment." AFTER A MOMENT A man holding a printout approaches the group, saying aloud, "Alright, this is what our judges have decided based on the answers given by the participants. The Quintessons have been determined to be sapient. Sharkticons have been determined to be sapient. The Autobots have--" The man suffers a sudden coughing fit. Sideswipe nodded at Geo, relaxing just slightly, his shoulder armor unbunching just a little. He was beginning to sorta like Geo...a little, and perhaps wishing she wasn't a Con. They had just moved over to a more suitable area when a man came out and began reading the printout. When he got to the autobot part and started coughing, he blinked and turned to stare at the man, "We're...what?" he asked. The Sharkticons let out a cheer at the notion that they will be fed regularly, and why not? The man with the sheet continues. "..ahem, sorry. The Autobots have been declared to be..." He pauses dramatically, staring at his paper wide-eyed. "...non-sapient! And the Decepticons have been found to be..." His eyes go wider. "...sapient!" Cross didn't seem surprised at the result for the Autobots, but the decision for the Decepticons catches him off-guard. "Wha.... nnnh!" There's the sound of a car screeching to a halt, and Cross turns to see Dr. Raymond in his car, flipping him the bird. "Screw youuuuuuuuuu!" Dr. Raymond cries before he peels out. Cross's teeth clench together tightly and a vein pulses on his forehead. Even Agent Blue Jays looks nonplussed about this. Geo listens to the man... and peers, glancing up at Sideswipe, then back to the man. "I..." she starts, but is then distracted by the fleeing Dr. Raymond. She maintains her composure, however, in the face of such adversity. But she has no reply. The Autobots, non-sapient? That... is unexpected. Sideswipe blinks and looks like he staggered a step backwards, then looked at Geo then back at the man with the test scores, "This is rigged. I'm from the same planet, the same kind of race as the Cons. How can they be considered Sapient and the Bots, not. Our only difference is our disagreements that lead to our war...our factions...not our race." Sideswipe says, "Uh...guys...we might have a problem...." Geo looks up at Sideswipe. She has no answer for him, but reaches out to give him a comforting pat on the calf. She sends out a short burst of radio, then steps forward, walking to Cross and extending her hand. "Thank you, General Cross. This has been illuminating, probably for both of us." Apocryphacius leans against the wall, staring blankly at it until he hears the verdict. He is counted as sapient? Okay, that is an interesting way for them to play it. Also makes his incident all the worse, if the details are to come to light. Sharkticons being sapient is surprising, and that basically solidifies it in his head: he has to get /these/ Sharkticons away from those Quintesson contractors that General Cross hired, he needs to figure out if they ate a live human or just raided the morgue or what, he needs to figure out what in the world to do about either option, and then he needs to do their tax returns for them. The Autobots being declared nonsapient makes him cringe, though, because, well, it is incorrect. The Decepticons, on the other point... Apocryphacius pushes himself away from the wall, but he still cannot quite look at either Geo or Sideswipe. They are just too brightly coloured. He does start to slowly hover back to the Sharkticons, and he says firmly, "We should get going, and ah... would you mind new paintjobs? I was th-thinking black." Franklin Cross doesn't hear Geo at first. Then, he turns slowly, and his shocked expression tells the whole tale. "...yes," he says, extending his hand to Geo, and shaking it limply. "Illuminating." "Mmmh, black?" a Sharkticon says. "How we see each other when dark?" "ME WANT TO BE NEON GREEN!" another blurts out. "Yeah, new color! Our colors BORING!" Geo squeezes Cross' hand gently, and says. "Then, with this settled, I believe that I shall take my leave. Thank you for your time, Cross." She looks to the man with the printout. "Thank you, kind sir, for your dedication and evaluation." She turns back and walks toward Sideswipe, and says to Apoc. "No. This is the color that my brother chose for me during construction. I will not change it," and then walks on, heading towards the door. Apocryphacius says, "He was talking to the Sharkticons, not Geo!" Geo says, "Oh, whoops, sorry, I misread your pose." Sideswipe glares at Cross, "What's you're game here Cross? You trying to get even with me or something? This test is rigged..." Franklin Cross lets his hand fall limply to his side once Geo releases it, standing stock still as she walks by. "Of... course," he mutters. Guy with printout just nods, though he's almost as shocked. When Sideswipe accosts him, Cross snaps out of his shocked state somewhat, glaring up at him. Then he turns around and walks away. Apocryphacius lets out a strangled sob and then breaks down weeping over the thought of neon green Sharkticons. The Sharkticons seem to pick up on Apocryphacius's dismay, giving each other a look. "...maybe black not so bad?" Geo nods to Sideswipe as she walks past, heading to her ship and entering. The ship lifts off and shoots away into the sky, becoming a ping in the distance. Repugnus says, "Yeah? What?" Apocryphacius stammers, "I-I-I could maybe handle, er, dark green? Navy? Indigo?" He hates himself for his breakdown. It's so ridiculously weak. He's looking like a fool in public! Apocryphacius tries to pull himself back together. Apocryphacius transforms into his Apocryphacius mode. Sideswipe says, "Uhm....I was asked...in a way to take that sapient test when I came through the JFK spaceport? I took it along with a con, the Quint Apoc and some sharkticons. They all passed...but me. Apparently us Autobots aren't...Sapient. I swear I wasn't screwing around on it. I answered like I would anything." Grimlock says, "Uuuuuh." Repugnus says, "...crap." Geo takes flight to the Sky over New York City. Geo has left. Grimlock says, "Didn't you go crazy and try kill him Frank guy?" Repugnus says, "'Ehhh, no Repugnus, let's be nice to the fascists, ehhhh'" First Aid says, "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF" First Aid says, "Phooey." Grimlock says, "Oh man. It bad when him First Aid say bad words." Blades says, "I will be out digging some ditches. If you know what I mean." Sideswipe says, "What do I do? I tried to argue that if the Cons are sapient, so are we since we're the same race....but I was ignored." Franklin Cross pats Apocryphacius. "I know this result... is troubling, but we can work through it. We can work through it... somehow." But he himself seems to be struggling on how. Amber MacKenzie says, "I don't know what to say, guys. I didn't think that Cross would be idiot enough to attack his only real allies against the Cons." Repugnus says, "Not your fault, Swipe. Was gonna happen anyway. Wait, what? The 'cons are sapient and we're not? *What?*" Sideswipe says, "Apparently the Quint AND the Sharkticons are both Sapient too. The Autobots were the only ones tested that weren't." Grimlock says, "Me Grimlock always say people can surprise you by being stupids." Blades says, "Wait, so, are they seriously saying I became another species and /lost my mind/ when I joined the Autobots?" Sideswipe says, "HEY!" Grimlock says, "Me say that 'cuz me hang out with Sludge a lot." Sideswipe says, "I'm not stupid!" Repugnus says, "He meant the humans! Probably! Some of them! ARGH, I knew this would happen, I KNEW IT... but no one listens to me so what fraggin' difference does it make!" Grimlock says, "Nobody listen you Repugnus 'cuz you always say creepy stuff." Repugnus says, "That's just to get you to pay attention!" Grimlock says, "It not working!" Repugnus says, "ARGH!" Sideswipe watches Cross go over to talk to the Quint and then seems a bit...well pissed off isn't the right word. He turns on his heel since he was 'obviously' ignored and stomps out of the room, heading to claim the packages he was supposed to get when he first go there and then leave. He has no idea what to do now. If he had the tanks, he'd just turn around and shoot Cross right there. Sideswipe says, "Can I shoot him...please. He's RIGHT here." Grimlock says, "NO." Grimlock says, "Punch him with you piledriver fists. It hurt more." Sideswipe says, "I'll gladly sacrifice myself just to get rid of him for everyone else." Repugnus says, "You wanna give the humans their excuse to kill us all, go right on ahead, Swipe." Grimlock says, "Oh, me Grimlock thought him was gonna punch you Repugnus. Dang." Amber MacKenzie says, "This *might* be spun in a way favorable to discrediting Cross. It's just plain stupid, unless he's going to threaten you into becoming slaves in return for allowing you to live. Even that's stupid. Lots of stupidity in all this. But back to my point, if we can ridicule the entire procedure and standards for the testing enough, it may rouse some support for you. Maybe get the galactic community involved." Sideswipe grumbles, "It was just a thought...at least I asked permission this time." Repugnus audibly facepalms First Aid says, "I wonder how long before Rodimus pulls the plug on our entire Earth operation." Grimlock says, "Hnnm." Apocryphacius allows Cross to think that Apocryphacius must just be upset about the results. So now he is lying by omission to his best friend. What a lovely person Apocryphacius is turning out to be. He just says faintly, "Of course, sir." He may disagree about the Autobots, but in public is not the place to disagree with his superior. "Permission to take the Sharkticons back to the nearest base?" Sideswipe gets the packages he was sent to get, nearly terrifying the clerk with his dark looks and stormed outside where he transformed down into his expensive car mode and waited for Amber to join him. Repugnus says, "I'd be surprised if it wasn't tomorrow. Look, Amber? I wanna be straight with you. A lot of the Autobots aren't willing to get their hands dirty on this, even now. But me? I ain't gonna let this go down like that. You hear me? *This* Monsterbot isn't going to stand down and let the fascists shoot him to death. You do what you gotta do to turn this around." Amber MacKenzie appears from nowhere (actually, she was just mingling quietly with the crowds) and slips into the red sports car. Time to get out of Dodge. Not to mention, the stupidity she's seen displayed has made her ill. Franklin Cross nods to Apocryphacius, looking concerned, sympathetic. "Permission granted, Apocryphacius. And get some rest. That's an order." Message: 2/94 Posted Author AAR: Sapience Test Wed Oct 31 Geo ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Text-Only At 1800 Earth Military Time, after the permission given prior by Commander Shockwave to undergo the EDC's Sapience Evaluation Test, myself, Infantry units Highbeam, Bolt, Headbreaker and Hammerhand took the Transport Shuttle to the location. I disembarked and was led to the testing facility by two security officers. When arriving, Autobot designation 'Sideswipe' and Quintesson 'Apocryphacius' were also undergoing the test. The test was nonsensical, consisting of a number of random questions and random answering patterns. After the testing was concluded, the following was the results: Quintessons: Declared sapient Sharkticons: Declared sapient Decepticons: Declared sapient Autobots: Declared non-sapient I would like to believe that the veracity of my answers to the sapience examination were the cause of our declaration of sapiency, but prior espionage action taken by myself regarding particular xenopsychologists is more likely the direct cause. Whatever the case, Cross is absolutely dumbfounded by the response. He even shook my hand. Additionally, the Autobot Sideswipe and I have had some discussion and he believes that Cross is 'playing a game' with the results. We bonded slightly over the commonality of having a sibling, and I will be meeting him directly at a later date to discuss Cross. I will keep the command staff informed as needed. Geo, out. <> Reports Message: 9/36 Posted Author SAPIENCE RESULTS IN! Wed Oct 31 Repugnus ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (From GNN:) AUTOBOTS DECLARED TO BE NON-SAPIENT SPECIES, DECEPTICONS DECLARED SAPIENT SPECIES In a startling decision by the xenospsychologists working at the Sapience Testing Center at JFK Airport, after reviewing the results of a sapience performed on the Quintessons, Sharkticons, Autobots, and Decepticons, the Quintessons, Sharkticons and Decepticons were found to be sapient, and the Autobots were found to be non-sapient. This decision has surprised many around the world, with a recent GNN poll revealing that 96% of poll takers stated that they believed the results were inaccurate. In addition, Dr. Raymond, one of the xenopsychologists evaluating the test-takers, has last been seen in this YouTube video: (The article links to a Youtube video featuring Dr. Raymond, who's wearing a business shirt, a loose tie, and boxers. He's got a martini in one hand, he looks smashed, and he's surrounded by call girls. While the Black-Eyed Peas song, "Let's Get it Started" blares in the background, Dr. Raymond dances with his call girls and they all sing along to the music, badly. He's having the time of his life, clearly.) General Franklin Cross of the EDC has stated that there is evidence that Dr. Raymond was bribed and blackmailed by the Decepticons into declaring the Decepticons sapient, and that a new test must be held. However, Prime Minister Hideki Yamada of Japan has stated that the fact that the judges can be so easily influenced puts the entire testing process in doubt. Several species, particularly species whose homeworlds are relatively close to Earth, had also applied to take the sapience tests, but after this result, many of them have canceled their applications. GNN has yet to hear from these species' embassies to determine why they have done so.